He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
