doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're like the curious george of whores
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
