I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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