Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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