i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
