I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
