You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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