Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
