is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
