i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
