I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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