peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
