I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
