just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
