i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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