Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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