I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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