fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize