it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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