why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
