And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
