the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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