How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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