the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
