No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
