His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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