I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You've changed since you got that strap on
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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