Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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