we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
