I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
