some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
