And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
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