He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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