My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
