If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
