She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize