atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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