Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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