I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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