Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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