if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
