I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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