my mouth tastes like poor choices
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
