Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
