I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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