I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just high enough for therapy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Randomize
