Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
