i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
