What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
