We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
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