If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
