So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
did i just pee glitter
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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