nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
