She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
