Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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