Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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