I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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