Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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