he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize