Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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