If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
