I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
