i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
