yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
