How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
