Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
