Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
