I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
