I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
