Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
