so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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