Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
