Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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