Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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