even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The chlamydia really affected his face.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
