Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
