Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
