just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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