So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize