I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
