That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
