hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
3 2 1 whiskey
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
