if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
