I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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