Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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