do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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