tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
