I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
