I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize